275 funny home quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

May 21, 2026

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

May 21, 2026

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

May 21, 2026

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

May 21, 2026

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

May 21, 2026

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

May 21, 2026

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

May 20, 2026

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

May 20, 2026

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

May 20, 2026

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

May 20, 2026

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

May 20, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

May 20, 2026

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

May 20, 2026

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

May 20, 2026

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

May 20, 2026

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

May 20, 2026

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

May 20, 2026

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

May 20, 2026

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

May 20, 2026

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

May 20, 2026

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

May 20, 2026

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

May 20, 2026

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

May 20, 2026

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

May 20, 2026

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

May 20, 2026

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

May 19, 2026

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

May 19, 2026

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

May 19, 2026

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

May 19, 2026

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

May 19, 2026

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

May 19, 2026

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

May 19, 2026

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

May 19, 2026

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

May 19, 2026

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

May 19, 2026

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

May 19, 2026

No plans and no pants kind of day.

May 19, 2026

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

May 19, 2026

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

May 19, 2026