610 funny know quotes - Page 13 - Wordgag

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Mar 24, 2026

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Mar 24, 2026

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Mar 24, 2026

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Mar 24, 2026

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Mar 24, 2026

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Mar 24, 2026

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Mar 24, 2026

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Mar 24, 2026

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Mar 24, 2026

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Mar 24, 2026

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Mar 24, 2026

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Mar 24, 2026

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Mar 24, 2026

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Mar 24, 2026

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Mar 24, 2026

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Mar 24, 2026

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Mar 24, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Mar 24, 2026

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Mar 24, 2026

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Mar 24, 2026

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Mar 24, 2026

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Mar 24, 2026

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Mar 24, 2026

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Mar 24, 2026

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Mar 24, 2026

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Mar 24, 2026

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Mar 24, 2026

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Mar 24, 2026

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Mar 24, 2026

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Mar 24, 2026

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Mar 24, 2026

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Mar 24, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Mar 24, 2026

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Mar 24, 2026

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Mar 24, 2026

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Mar 24, 2026

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Mar 24, 2026

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Mar 24, 2026

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Mar 24, 2026

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Mar 24, 2026