Commentary:
When you realize being a walking encyclopedia was not in the parenting manual 😂📚🤔
625 Funny know quotes
Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.
Commentary:
Wondering if they're more into "tweet" metal than heavy metal! 🎸🐦🎶
Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.
Commentary:
Trying to solve Twitter math while feeling both cute and existential 🤔😂 #MathIsHard 📉✨
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.
Commentary:
Clearly, it's some kind of reverse psychology Jedi mind trick. 🧙♂️🔮😂
I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.
Commentary:
When they give you that gaze, it's either deep wisdom or they remembered where they hid your snacks! 👀😂
America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.
Commentary:
Just waiting for the episode where everyone gets amnesia and someone announces, "It was all a dream!" 😂📺🎬
Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.
Commentary:
I call it psychic irritation, and I'm never wrong 😂🔮😤
Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.
Commentary:
Ranting incognito: the ultimate stealth mode 🙈🕵️♂️💬
I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.
Commentary:
Your dog is probably thinking, "Why doesn't she just go with my classic 'no clothes' approach? Works every time!" 🐶👗😆
Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.
Commentary:
Sounds like a case for the heartbreak police! 🚨💔😂