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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Trending via Twitch:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Going viral on Slack:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Just shared via Twitch:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Going viral on Slack:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Trending via Threads:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Breaking via Instagram:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Spotted on Slack:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Just shared via WeChat:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

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