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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Spotted on Telegram:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Going viral on Slack:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Just shared via Messenger:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Live now on YouTube:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,458

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Breaking via Slack:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Live now on Threads:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Reported on Instagram:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Reported on Facebook:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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