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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Shared recently on Slack:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Going viral on WeChat:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Just shared via Twitch:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Just shared via WeChat:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Funny mid-life crisis quotes

Funny mid-life crisis quotes bring a hilarious twist to those unexpected moments when life feels like a wild rollercoaster 🎢😂. Whether you’re embracing gray hairs or questioning your latest impulsive purchase 🚗💥, these witty sayings remind us to laugh through the chaos and enjoy the ride. Ready to smile at the madness of mid-life? Let’s dive into some humor that proves growing up is optional but laughing is essential! 😎🎉

New funny mid-life crisis quotes 👇

All funny mid-life crisis quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Instagram this month:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

21 shares on Messenger this month:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,446

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Broadcasted on X:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Shared recently on Reddit:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Going viral on Threads:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Just landed via Slack:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Seen just now on Slack:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Trending via Threads:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

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