Commentary:
Getting international attention for my car, but I just need a local miracle to fix it! 🚗🔧😂
289 Funny phone quotes
I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.
Commentary:
I must have missed the memo—when did "National Lost Track of Time Day" become a thing? 🎉📅🤔
Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?
Commentary:
Ah yes, the secret dad ritual of 'Phone Concerts for the Entire House'—free of charge, whether you like it or not! 📱🎶👨👧👦🔊
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.
Commentary:
Having a seasoned pro teach sex ed is like learning to swim from a shark—you're definitely getting the real deal! 🦈😅📱
Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old landline days—where the only password we needed was not picking up during dinner! 📞🤔😂
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.
Commentary:
Foxes need coffee too! ☕🦊 Sounds like someone just got outfoxed by their own joke! 😂📞
The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.
Commentary:
When your salad has more frequent flyer miles than you do 🥗💸✈️
If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.
Commentary:
Like asking if I've got just one potato chip: impossible! 😂📱🍟
I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.
Commentary:
Looks like your phone and those ads are now in a committed relationship! 📱❤️🎯
The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.
Commentary:
Phones: tiny tyrants in your pocket 📱😈, computers: the mischievous middle child 💻😏, TVs: the wise old grandparent dispensing endless reruns 📺👴🏻.