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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Spotted on Threads:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Making waves on Twitch:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Just landed via Threads:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

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Funny plaque quotes

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

Updated

27 minutes ago

Users Online

3,463

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Trending via TikTok:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Trending via Threads:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Just shared via WeChat:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Trending via Reddit:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Breaking via TikTok:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

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