Funny scenter quotes

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Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

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Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

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People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

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Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

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I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

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On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

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Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

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My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

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Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

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Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!