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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,846

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Making waves on WeChat:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Making waves on Messenger:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Just shared via Reddit:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Seen just now on X:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Going viral on Twitch:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Home » Funny Show Quotes » Page 3

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

0

1 month ago

adulthood, humor, indifference, life, perseverance, realization, show
At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

0

1 month ago

adult, adult humor, American, American Dad, animation, cartoon, comedy, dad, family, Family Guy, graduate, guy, humor, life, life stage, point, show, stage, TV, TV Show
Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

0

1 month ago

boredom, boring, dating, door, gesture, just, romantic, romantic gesture, rose, roses, show, surprise, surprise visit, texting, visit
If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

0

1 month ago

believe, dating, deserve, honesty, humor, i, man, relationship, show, trust, warning, why
Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

0

1 month ago

complaint, hours, humor, job, just, office, show, sometimes, stress, torture, work
The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

0

1 month ago

comedy, How I Met Your Mother, humor, i, just, met, mother, show, storytelling, talk, ted, TED talk, television, TV, TV Show
Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

0

1 month ago

article, high, humor, i, intelligence, IQ, laziness, lazy, people, procrastination, read, show, something, study, whole
If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

0

1 month ago

activity, anyone, beautiful, drama, fight, fighting, fun, fun activity, giant, got, i, island, just, love, Love Island, mermaid, playing, pool, reality, reality show, relaxation, show, starting, swimming, time, using, whole
Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

0

1 month ago

fired, firing, God, humor, i, job, love, misunderstanding, oh, reaction, said, severance, show, someone, TV, TV Show, workplace
We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

0

1 month ago

able, activity, bar, drink, gender, gender role, humor, island, love, Love Island, men, party, role, should, show, social, social activity, sport, sports, television, television show, watch, watching, watching party

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

87 shares on Discord this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

53 shares on Discord this month:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Trending via Facebook:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Going viral on X:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Trending via Pinterest:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Trending via Telegram:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Just landed via Facebook:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Just landed via Discord:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Activity Log ✨

122 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

All funny show quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨