I've faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Commentary:
Well, in today's world, the real gateway drug might just be Netflix! 📺💊 Just remember, binge-watching can be addictive too. Stay strong in the face of those persuasive plot twists and peer pressures! 🙅‍♂️ #JustSayNoToBadTV

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Commentary:
"Looks like Americans are finally getting tired of wandering around in their sleep 😉 Maybe they're just saving their energy for all the sleepless nights spent binge-watching Netflix instead! 😴🚶‍♂️ #SleepWalkingGoals"

Me, to the printer: "Hey, could you print this out for me?" Printer: "Sure, but first I'll show you all the sounds I can make."

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Commentary:
🖨️ "Oh, printer, the real MVP of the office, showing off its vocal talents before getting down to business! 🤣 Who knew a printer could be so cheeky and full of surprises? It's like a mini concert before each print job! 🎶 Just when you thought printing was a quiet affair, the printer proves it's got its own set of tunes to jam to. Rock on, printer, rock on! 🤘"

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn't show up anymore.

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Commentary:
"When it comes to family gatherings, I'm like the elusive cousin who's practically a myth now 🤷‍♂️ Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail? Or perhaps I just bring too much excitement to the party that they can't handle? Who knows! 🎉💁‍♂️ #LifeOfTheMissingRelative"

I've never seen a McDonald's or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Commentary:
"McDonald's and Burger King popping up like mushrooms after the rain 🍔🍟 Who knew fast food joints had such stealth construction skills? Maybe they use a 'secret sauce' for building permits! 😂"

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Commentary:
"Who needs fictional drama when real life is already giving you enough characters to roll your eyes 🙄 at? Time to switch from Hollywood plots to real-life shenanigans for some entertaining chaos! 🍿😂 #LifeIsTheBestShow"

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Commentary:
Looks like they all got lost on their way to self-discovery and ended up in a geography puzzle instead! 🌍🤷‍♂️ #BachelorNationMixup

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Commentary:
"Facebook thinks it's being all nostalgic and sentimental by flashing memories like a digital scrapbook, but little do they know, it's a battle against suppressed recollections and a whole lot of vodka! 🤦‍♂️🥃 #ErasingTheEvidence"

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Commentary:
"Ah, so that's the real reason why squirrels can't resist those powerlines! 🐿️⚡️ Who knew they were secretly charging up for their next high-voltage adventure! 😂🌰 #SquirrelSecrets"

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Commentary:
"Using subtitles not only enhances your language skills but also upgrades your intellectual repartee level! 📺📚 Who knew Love Island could be a source of enlightenment? Keep impressing everyone with your 'I was reading about' moments! 🤓✨"