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62 Funny show quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Commentary:
"When it comes to family gatherings, I'm like the elusive cousin who's practically a myth now 🤷‍♂️ Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail? Or perhaps I just bring too much excitement to the party that they can't handle? Who knows! 🎉💁‍♂️ #LifeOfTheMissingRelative"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Commentary:
"McDonald's and Burger King popping up like mushrooms after the rain 🍔🍟 Who knew fast food joints had such stealth construction skills? Maybe they use a 'secret sauce' for building permits! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Commentary:
"Who needs fictional drama when real life is already giving you enough characters to roll your eyes 🙄 at? Time to switch from Hollywood plots to real-life shenanigans for some entertaining chaos! 🍿😂 #LifeIsTheBestShow"
5 months ago
Share →: The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Commentary:
Looks like they all got lost on their way to self-discovery and ended up in a geography puzzle instead! 🌍🤷‍♂️ #BachelorNationMixup
5 months ago
Share →: Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Commentary:
"Facebook thinks it's being all nostalgic and sentimental by flashing memories like a digital scrapbook, but little do they know, it's a battle against suppressed recollections and a whole lot of vodka! 🤦‍♂️🥃 #ErasingTheEvidence"
5 months ago
Share →: Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Commentary:
"Ah, so that's the real reason why squirrels can't resist those powerlines! 🐿️⚡️ Who knew they were secretly charging up for their next high-voltage adventure! 😂🌰 #SquirrelSecrets"
5 months ago
Share →: I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Commentary:
"Using subtitles not only enhances your language skills but also upgrades your intellectual repartee level! 📺📚 Who knew Love Island could be a source of enlightenment? Keep impressing everyone with your 'I was reading about' moments! 🤓✨"
5 months ago
Share →: “AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Commentary:
Well, if AI starts showing up drunk on Fridays and hitting on your coworkers, at least we can finally say that machines are starting to embrace the 'work hard, play hard' motto 🍻🤖🔥 Just imagine the awkward HR meetings with a robot giving excuses like, "I swear, I thought they were into my efficient algorithms!" 😂 #AIinHR
5 months ago
Share →: My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Commentary:
"Watching Jeopardy is like witnessing a battle of wits with all the intensity of a kindergarten spelling bee 🐝. It's all fun and games until someone misspells 'cat'! 😅 #NoFearNoJeopardy"
5 months ago
Share →: After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Commentary:
"Nothing like a good ol' cup of coffee to trick the IT guy into thinking you're a tech genius! ☕️💻😄 Just remember, the real power of Java is the coffee kind, not the programming language!"