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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Trending via Threads:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Trending via Twitch:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Just shared via YouTube:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Funny tear away quotes

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All funny tear away quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I would like even faster food.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Making waves on Facebook:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Just shared via Snapchat:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Trending via Snapchat:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Just shared via Facebook:

Grok, put light in her eyes.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Just landed via Twitch:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

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