Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

159 Funny tell quotes

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

3 months ago

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

3 months ago

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

3 months ago

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

3 months ago

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

3 months ago

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

3 months ago

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

3 months ago

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

3 months ago

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

3 months ago

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

3 months ago

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

3 months ago

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

3 months ago

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

3 months ago

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

3 months ago

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

3 months ago

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

3 months ago

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

3 months ago

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

3 months ago

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

3 months ago

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

3 months ago