252 funny tell quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Mar 30, 2026

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Mar 30, 2026

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Mar 30, 2026

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Mar 30, 2026

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Mar 30, 2026

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Mar 30, 2026

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Mar 30, 2026

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Mar 30, 2026

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Mar 30, 2026

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Mar 30, 2026

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Mar 30, 2026

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Mar 29, 2026

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Mar 29, 2026

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Mar 29, 2026

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Mar 29, 2026

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Mar 29, 2026

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Mar 29, 2026

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Mar 29, 2026

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Mar 29, 2026

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Mar 29, 2026

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Mar 29, 2026

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Mar 29, 2026

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Mar 29, 2026

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Mar 29, 2026

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Mar 29, 2026

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Mar 28, 2026

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Mar 28, 2026

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Mar 28, 2026

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Mar 28, 2026

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Mar 28, 2026

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Mar 28, 2026

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Mar 28, 2026

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Mar 28, 2026

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Mar 28, 2026

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Mar 28, 2026

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Mar 28, 2026

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Mar 28, 2026

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Mar 28, 2026

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Mar 28, 2026

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Mar 28, 2026