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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Breaking via Discord:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

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Funny Timothy quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Trending via Reddit:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Reported on YouTube:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Just landed via Instagram:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Making waves on X:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Going viral on Discord:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Just landed via X:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

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