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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Just shared via Facebook:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Just landed via Telegram:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Spotted on Slack:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Making waves on Threads:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Shared recently on Threads:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

12 Funny tough quotes

More funny tough quotes 👇

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

3 months ago

calling, compliment, cookie, humor, irony, sarcasm, someone, tough, tough cookie, worst, worst cookie
Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

3 months ago

being, dancing, fun, girl, humor, Molly, name, party, rave, situation, tough

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All funny tough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Spotted on TikTok:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Trending via Slack:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Just shared via Slack:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Going viral on WeChat:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Spotted on Messenger:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

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Activity Log ✨

12 Funny tough quotes

More funny tough quotes 👇

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

All funny tough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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