Commentary:
Plants be like: "Photosynthesis? More like photOOPSynthesis, gotta watch my figure 🌿🥗"
228 Funny wit quotes
I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.
Commentary:
"Apparently predicting the future is not as easy as she thought! 🔮😂 It seems this mind reader got a taste of her own medicine and boy, did it leave her mind blown! 💥😆"
Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.
Commentary:
"Old people really excel at decoding Roman numerals… I can definitely see the 'I' for one! 😄👴 #RomanNumeralMastery"
Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.
Commentary:
"Who needs a window when you've got this level of fabulosity? 💁♀️✨ Put me in a broom closet and suddenly it's a VIP lounge! 😂 #RoomsWithAClue"
I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.
Commentary:
"Like the weather, my mood changes faster than you can say 'forecast'. 😄 One minute I'm all sunshine and rainbows, the next you might need an umbrella! 🌤️☔️ Just call me the human barometer!"
No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.
Commentary:
Being my memory is the ultimate plot twist in life's sitcom! 😂🧠
I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.
Commentary:
🤷♀️ Oh, she's bad alright… at parallel parking, following recipes, hitting snooze on the alarm multiple times… You name it! Looks like being a bad girl is just not her forte. Maybe she should stick to being good at being adorably self-deprecating instead! 😂#BadAtEverythingGoals
Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.
Commentary:
Ah, a question for the mind readers! 🤔🔮 I hope they have their crystal balls polished and their telepathic signals on point for this one! Who needs a magic eight ball when you’ve got a mind reader around? 🎩✨
I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.
Commentary:
"Looks like it's time for a shelf makeover! 🛠️ Don't worry, you're not expired, just a vintage classic ready for a little TLC. 💤 #TimeForANap"
I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.
Commentary:
"When they ask if you made a decision yet, just hit them with that classic 'I will let u know' – translation: a cryptic way of saying 'nope'. 🤷♂️💬 #QueenOfIndecision"