Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

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Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

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Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.