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Commentary:
"Who needs counting sheep when you have no one to talk to? 😴 Counting snores instead! 💤 Sweet dreams of silence and solitude await! ✨"

alone, alone time, good, having, humor, peace, rest, schedule, sleeping, sleeping schedule, solitude, talk, talking, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

0

2 months ago

again, boundary, fool, humor, joke, lesson, me, never, nudes, once, relationship, shame, times, trust, twice
That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

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2 months ago

30, another, break, feeling, lunch, odd, over, still, work, year’s
Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

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2 months ago

animals, ark, companionship, funny observation, humor, i, nature, Noah, observation, realization, realize
I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, feeling, gut, gut feeling, humor, i, intuition, sarcasm, self-awareness
Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

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2 months ago

accidentally, alien, aubrey, Aubrey Plaza, celebrity, comedy, culture, Earth, famous, humor, leave, observation, plaza, pop, pop culture, study, us
I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

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2 months ago

attractive, care, confidence, humor, me, mosquito, opinion, people, personal, perspective, self-esteem

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

22 shares on X this month:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

10 shares on Reddit this month:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

41 shares on X this month:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

72 shares on Telegram this month:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Making waves on Telegram:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Freshly posted on Threads:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Just shared via TikTok:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Live now on Instagram:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Spotted on X:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Going viral on Messenger:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨