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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,938

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Just landed via Reddit:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

Just shared via Pinterest:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Making waves on Instagram:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Bob Ross would say, "All clouds are happy little floaters!" ☁️🎨😄

appreciate, appreciation, Bob, Bob Ross, cloud, clouds, fluff, fluffy, humor, i, ross, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

1 month ago
disappointment, fan, football, humor, kids, parenting, raising, right, rival, sports, think
If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

1 month ago
awkward, case, conversation, eat, elevator, humor, i, joke, me, say, shut, shut up, stranger, survival, talk, talking, want
I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

3 months ago
act, activity, date, girlfriend, i, me, pottery, relationship, reluctance, shit, want
Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

3 months ago
actually, coworker, coworkers, humor, office, relationship, workplace, worst
That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

2 months ago
distraction, focus, forgetfulness, forgot, funny moment, humor, moment, reading, realization, realize, understand, understanding
Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

1 month ago
couple, funny situation, humor, husband, irony, lost, lost money, money, relationship, search, situation, spending, yesterday

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Making waves on Discord:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Going viral on Twitch:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Trending via Instagram:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Live now on Threads:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Weirdos gonna weird.

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I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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