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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,562

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Just landed via Reddit:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Just landed via Twitch:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Humorous quote about leaving playful signatures in hotel Bibles with a clever pun.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, looks like Jesus Christ has taken up a side gig as a hotel room autographer! 😄 Making sure those Bibles are personalized with care. 🙏 Who knew JC had such a pen game? 🖊️ #HolySignatureGoals

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

30 shares on X this month:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

92 shares on Discord this month:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Shared recently on Discord:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Just landed via X:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Spotted on X:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Breaking via YouTube:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Spotted on Reddit:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Going viral on Instagram:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

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