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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Talents: eating!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

47 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Going viral on Messenger:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Live now on Snapchat:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Making waves on WeChat:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Trending via Slack:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Just landed via Telegram:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Just landed via TikTok:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Just shared via Slack:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

6 months ago

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

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Commentary:
🤣 "Ah, Aristotle, the OG parenting guru! Who knew his advice also doubled as a top-tier survival tip for dealing with tiny humans? 😂👶🗣️ Just imagine everyone in the household belting out a choir of screams to achieve immediate peace and quiet. It's like a symphony of chaos and tranquility combined! 🎶😱 Silence really is golden when you outnumber the screamers, right?"

Aristotle, believe, fastest, humor, i, kids, laughter, once, parenting, screaming, start, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

47 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Breaking via Pinterest:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Just shared via Slack:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Going viral on Threads:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Making waves on Threads:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Going viral on Snapchat:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Going viral on Instagram:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Live now on Slack:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

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