I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

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Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

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The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

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I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

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Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

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My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

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I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

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The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

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I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

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I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.