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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

46 seconds ago

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Seen just now on Instagram:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Making waves on Telegram:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Trending via Reddit:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

I can resist everything except temptation.

4 months ago

I can resist everything except temptation.

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Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between willpower and desire! As Oscar Wilde so succinctly put it, "I can resist everything except temptation." It's like trying to resist the allure of a warm, gooey chocolate chip cookie on a strict healthy eating plan – temptation always seems to have the upper hand! But hey, who can blame us? Sometimes, giving in to temptation is just too irresistible to resist!

everything, humor, i, irony, resistance, self-control, temptation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

46 seconds ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Just shared via Twitch:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Making waves on Discord:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Shared recently on Discord:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Going viral on Threads:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

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