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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

3 hours ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Spotted on Facebook:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Reported on Pinterest:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Making waves on X:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Reported on Twitch:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Breaking via Threads:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

5 months ago

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggle of modern parenting – trying to resist the temptation of naming your kids after household items or exotic foods just for the sake of Instagram fame. Imagine the chaos at roll call: 'Banjo, Parmesan, Chandelier, are you all present and accounted for?' It's a tough job being a parent, but someone's gotta do it without turning their child into a walking menu item."

Banjo, Chandelier, humor, influencer, Instagram, kid, kids, mom, name, parenting, Parmesan

Response

Username: AstroNibbler Full Name:

Feb 25, 2025

Haha, same here! I’d probably mistakenly name my little one “Spaghetti” and then get sponsored by a pasta company instead of a boutique children’s brand. 😂🍝 That’s my kind of ‘influencer life’. 🤷‍♀️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

3 hours ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Trending via Threads:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Making waves on WeChat:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Just landed via Threads:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Reported on Twitch:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

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