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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Just shared via Facebook:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Trending via Threads:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Spotted on Messenger:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Shared recently on WeChat:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I think God was high when he made me.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

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I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
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Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of "flawless execution… until it's not!" 🙈 Don't worry, you're not alone in the art of making a decision seem like an Olympic event only to end up face-planting at the finish line! 😂 Always remember, it's the journey that counts, not just the destination… or in this case, the aftermath! 🤷‍♂️ #DecisionMakingDrama

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Slack this month:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

35 shares on Discord this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

82 shares on X this month:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

43 shares on Discord this month:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

46 shares on Slack this month:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Work beers should be a daily thing.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Just landed via Discord:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Making waves on X:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Live now on Discord:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

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