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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,972

Funny Quotes Topics

14,775

Funny Quotes Images

11,972

4 minutes ago

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Just shared via Twitch:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Live now on WeChat:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Seen just now on Discord:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

6 months ago

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of procrastination disguised as strategic delegation 🙌. Talk about a masterful dodge of responsibility! Future you better watch out, present you is throwing all the tasks their way with a sly smile 😏. Bravo on passing the hot potato, future self! 🥔⏰ #ProcrastinationQueen"

delegate, future, humor, i, management, procrastinate, responsibility, self, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,972

Funny Quotes Topics

14,775

Funny Quotes Images

11,972

4 minutes ago

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Just shared via Messenger:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Going viral on Slack:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Just landed via Telegram:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Just shared via YouTube:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Seen just now on Threads:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Spotted on Threads:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

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