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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Getting road rage alone in my house.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Spotted on TikTok:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Freshly posted on X:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Just landed via Threads:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Spotted on Messenger:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Just shared via Instagram:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Just shared via Telegram:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

1 month ago

Humorous text about the chaos of finding ice cream in your lap during cleaning.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sometimes life has a funny way of reminding you that cleaning can wait but ice cream is always a priority! 🍦📺 #IceCreamOverChores"

bowl, cleaning, comfort, cream, distraction, guilty, guilty pleasure, hate, house, housework, i, ice, ice cream, lap, opera, pleasure, soap, soap opera, unexpected

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Slack this month:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.

Just shared via Telegram:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Live now on TikTok:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

Live now on Threads:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Seen just now on Threads:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Shared recently on Threads:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Keep the laugh going 😂

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨