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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2403 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,565

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,565

33 minutes ago

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Just landed via Threads:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Going viral on X:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Just landed via YouTube:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Trending via Snapchat:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Just landed via YouTube:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Going viral on YouTube:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Just landed via YouTube:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Jan 26, 2025

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your cat is just practicing its exorcism skills on the chair! 🐱😈 Who needs an alarm system when you have a feline ghostbuster on patrol? Just make sure to add garlic to your bedtime routine for extra protection! 😂🧄 #CatsOfTheParanormal"

again, asleep, back, bedroom, cat, chair, crucifix, empty, fall, fear, hate, hisses, holding, humor, i, pet, runs, sleep, superstition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2403 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,565

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,565

33 minutes ago

3,451

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Going viral on Telegram:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Trending via YouTube:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Just shared via Twitch:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Seen just now on X:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Going viral on Messenger:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

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