Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

4,089

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Trending via Threads:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Trending via TikTok:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Just landed via YouTube:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

2 months ago

0

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your cat is just practicing its exorcism skills on the chair! 🐱😈 Who needs an alarm system when you have a feline ghostbuster on patrol? Just make sure to add garlic to your bedtime routine for extra protection! 😂🧄 #CatsOfTheParanormal"

again, asleep, back, bedroom, cat, chair, crucifix, empty, fall, fear, hate, hisses, holding, humor, i, pet, runs, sleep, superstition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

0

3 months ago

being, compliment, contradiction, humor, insult, irony, me, mule, okay, passing, racing, reaction, slow, someone, speed
Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

0

2 months ago

dislike, everyone, humor, interaction, life, narcissist, personal, personal life, personality, professional, professional life, relationship, social, social interaction
When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

0

3 weeks ago

16, again, button, buttons, emotional, emotional trigger, family, feeling, feeling old, humor, i, just, lose, nostalgia, old, parent, parents, push, shit, teenager, trigger, visit
Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

0

2 months ago

brag, chop, cooking, cry, crying, emotions, humor, i, joke, onion, skill
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

0

2 months ago

apology, bathroom, date, exhaust, exhaust fan, fan, funny moment, humor, i, misunderstanding, moment, quiet, realize, sorry
If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, am, anxiety, being, dark, dark humor, day, death, doom, existential, existential humor, health, humor, humor about death, i, last, live, means, mental, mental health, procrastination, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sense

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

99 shares on Discord this month:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoy the time between diapers!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,940

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Spotted on Discord:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Going viral on Slack:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Broadcasted on Threads:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Shared recently on X:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Seen just now on X:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Trending via Pinterest:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Just landed via Discord:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴