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Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect blend of wisdom and chaos 🚂💥 Who needs a life coach when you can just hang out with these 'train wreck experts' for some entertaining life lessons? 🤪🤷‍♂️"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

0

2 months ago

blood, drink, humor, i, lifestyle, stay, stay young, young, youth
Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

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2 months ago

authentication, birth, birth control, condom, control, humor, joke, protection, relationship, safety, two-factor, two-factor authentication
When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

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2 months ago

age, ageism, compliments, devastating, flattering, guessing, humor, kids, perception
I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

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2 months ago

always, concern, cycle, friends, humor, i, media, mood, over, relationship, social, social media, tell, Tweets
Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

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2 months ago

end, harsh, humor, let, lighthearted, lol, me, put, sarcasm
It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

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2 months ago

dark, dark humor, death, died, disaster, good, humor, irony, lot, movie, only, people, thing, Titanic

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Just shared via TikTok:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Just shared via Instagram:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Going bananas on TikTok:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Just landed via WeChat:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Just shared via Threads:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Just landed via Telegram:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨