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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Just shared via YouTube:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Going viral on Threads:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

1 month ago

Funny quote about dogs' affectionate lean, capturing the emotional and playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs tissues when you have a dog? 🐶❤️ Your furry friend is just helping you with your hydration levels! #DogHugsAreTheBest"

connection, dog, dogs, emotion, every, eyes, hugging, i, leaking, lean, love, me, pet, start, time

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

54 shares on Instagram this month:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

41 shares on X this month:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

24 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Just shared via Slack:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Spotted on YouTube:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Making waves on Twitch:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Live now on Facebook:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Making waves on WeChat:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨