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Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Shared recently on X:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Spotted on Discord:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about dogs' affectionate lean, capturing the emotional and playful vibe.

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Commentary:
"Who needs tissues when you have a dog? 🐶❤️ Your furry friend is just helping you with your hydration levels! #DogHugsAreTheBest"

connection, dog, dogs, emotion, every, eyes, hugging, i, leaking, lean, love, me, pet, start, time

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44 shares on Telegram this month:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

21 shares on Slack this month:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Trending via Instagram:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Making waves on Instagram:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Seen just now on Instagram:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Just shared via Discord:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Just shared via WeChat:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Going viral on TikTok:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

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Activity Log ✨

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨