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Commentary:
"Blood pressure kits: when the struggle to fit everything back in that tiny zip-up bag becomes the real test of your cardiovascular endurance. 💼😂 #ZipItRealGood"

again, bag, blood, blood pressure, fit, free, handy, humor, i, irony, kit, never, once, pressure, relatable, stuff, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

0

2 months ago

anyone, finance, gardening, grow, humor, know, money, question, tree
I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

0

2 months ago

being, body, buy, clothes, fashion, humor, i, model, new, option, shopping, think, time, too
I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, back, bra, concert, fame, humor, i, just, onstage, performance, rich, run
Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

0

2 months ago

conversation, honey, humor, internet, media, online, online conversation, relationship, social, social media, stranger, strangers, talking
I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

0

2 months ago

aging, anything, average, confidence, consider, humor, i, myself, self-awareness, self-deprecating, well
I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

0

2 months ago

always, exciting, give, give up, humor, looking, motivation, new, new ways, procrastination, self-improvement, ways

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Shared recently on X:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Just landed via X:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Making waves on Instagram:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Just landed via WeChat:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Trending via Threads:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Just landed via Telegram:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨