I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

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Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

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A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

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In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

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Shopping is the only exercise I need.

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That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

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According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

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“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

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Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

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Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

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People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.