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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

760 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,922

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,922

41 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Seen just now on Threads:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Making waves on X:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Just shared via Slack:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Trending via Instagram:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Trending via X:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Just shared via Slack:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Live now on Discord:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

3 months ago

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

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Commentary:
"Sleeping: the ultimate budget-friendly and drama-free activity! 💤💸 No need for expensive outings or heart-to-heart conversations while in dreamland. Who needs reality when you have a cozy bed and the promise of zero social obligations?"

anyone, humor, i, love, miss, money, relaxation, sleep, sleeping, spend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

760 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,922

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,922

41 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Trending via TikTok:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Spotted on WeChat:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Trending via Facebook:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

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