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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Just landed via YouTube:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Going viral on Instagram:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Trending via Telegram:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the graceful yet brutal art of the cat slap – their way of saying 'I have no idea what you are, so take this slap!' 🐾😹 Don't mess with the mysterious feline mind, or you might end up with a swift paw to the face!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Just landed via Reddit:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Reported on Facebook:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Making waves on Facebook:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Live now on Slack:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Just shared via WeChat:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Live now on Reddit:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

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