Trendy Funny Quotes

  • A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.
  • Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.
  • Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.
  • Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.
  • If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.
  • I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.