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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Going viral on Facebook:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Seen just now on Reddit:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Going viral on Facebook:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Trending via Reddit:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

Spotted on Discord:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Going viral on Messenger:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Making waves on Telegram:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Trending via Snapchat:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

6 days ago

Playful quote about wanting a laid-back job with minimal work effort.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of every Monday-hater out there! 🗑️💼 Who wouldn't want to cruise around town, collecting rubbish for just a day and then kicking back for the rest of the week? 🚚🌟 Just imagine the possibilities… Trash talk on Monday, then chill the rest of the week! ♻️😂"

aspiration, career, day, garbage, garbage man, humor, i, job, man, only, want, week, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

48 shares on X this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

13 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

15 shares on X this month:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,734

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Going viral on TikTok:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Trending via Telegram:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Trending via LinkedIn:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Shared recently on Discord:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Going viral on Threads:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

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