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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Just landed via Threads:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Just landed via YouTube:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Just shared via WeChat:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about the struggle between needing cuddles and solitude, funny and relatable.

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Commentary:
"Deciding between cuddles and solitude… the eternal struggle of the indecisively crazy. 🤔🤗🚶‍♀️ #CrazyConundrums"

alone, being, crazy, cuddle, emotions, hard, humor, i, introvert, left, paradox, relationship, want

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

40 shares on Slack this month:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Broadcasted on X:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Going viral on Reddit:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Spotted on Instagram:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Going viral on Instagram:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Making waves on Instagram:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Going bananas on Slack:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

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Activity Log ✨

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨