Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Going viral on X:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Breaking via Twitch:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Making waves on Reddit:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about quick marriage by Elvis, humorous and playful text on an image.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime

decision, done, Elvis, fast, humor, ID, marriage, married, meet, person, wanted, wedding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Twitch this month:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Spotted on Facebook:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Making waves on Threads:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Trending via Pinterest:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Making waves on Discord:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Just shared via Facebook:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

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