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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,562

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Spotted on TikTok:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Going viral on Reddit:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about quick marriage by Elvis, humorous and playful text on an image.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime

decision, done, Elvis, fast, humor, ID, marriage, married, meet, person, wanted, wedding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

40 shares on Slack this month:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

80 shares on Discord this month:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Just landed via Telegram:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Going viral on Telegram:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Spotted on X:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Live now on Reddit:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Making waves on Instagram:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Seen just now on Discord:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Just landed via Twitch:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

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