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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Shared recently on X:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Seen just now on X:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Going viral on Reddit:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Making waves on Discord:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Going viral on YouTube:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.
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Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Seen just now on Discord:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Shared recently on X:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Just shared via Discord:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Breaking via YouTube:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Making waves on Threads:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

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