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Commentary:
"Seems like balcony plants demand as much attention as a high-maintenance partner! 🌿💊 Maybe gardening gloves should come with a warning label next time 😉"

balcony, care, gardening, humor, i, much, need, pill, plants, relationship, responsibility

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

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2 months ago

Caesar, historical, historical reference, humor, julius, Julius Caesar, killed, me, meeting, reference, reluctance, sarcasm, thing, want, work
If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

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2 months ago

advice, birthday, forget, forgetting, humor, just, marriage, never, relationship, sure, want, wife
Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

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2 months ago

bar, bulb, change, funny moment, humor, i, joke, life, light, light bulb, moment, punchline, today
People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

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2 months ago

drive, humor, i, insane, irony, people, psychology, relationships, say, told
My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

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2 months ago

acronym, after, asking, communication, favorite, humor, know, means, military, misunderstanding, right, someone, tradition
Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

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2 months ago

appearance, cat, devil, hairless, hairless cat, humor, joke, possession

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Discord this month:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Just landed via Messenger:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Just landed via TikTok:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Breaking via Twitch:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Making waves on Threads:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Seen just now on WeChat:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨