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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Just shared via Pinterest:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Making waves on Reddit:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Trending via Twitch:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

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Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless art of keeping people on their toes! 🤰😂 Who needs a due date when you can keep them guessing, right? 🤔 #ExpectingConfusion"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

42 shares on X this month:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Alexa, mute my children.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Spotted on TikTok:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Making waves on Telegram:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Shared recently on X:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Trending via TikTok:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Just landed via Reddit:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

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