Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Going viral on X:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Just shared via Telegram:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Trending via Snapchat:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Just landed via X:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

0
If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because let's face it, those ladies would have my killer behind bars quicker than my pizza delivery guy finding my house 🍕🕵️‍♀️🔍 #PodcastDetectives #CrackingCasesBetweenCoffeeBreaks"

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Slack this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

36 shares on Threads this month:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

57 shares on Discord this month:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Is this art or trash?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,340

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Trending via Twitch:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Breaking via Instagram:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Trending via Reddit:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Trending via Twitch:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴