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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Going viral on YouTube:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Just landed via TikTok:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Spotted on Pinterest:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Making waves on WeChat:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

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I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like a smartypants-phone to me! 🤓📱 Who needs Siri when you've got couch-side assistance? 🛋️😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Slack this month:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

68 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Making waves on Messenger:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Just shared via YouTube:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Breaking via Threads:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Trending via Facebook:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Just shared via Reddit:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

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