Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”
  • I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.
  • When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”
  • Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.
  • Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.
  • One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.