Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

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I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

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Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

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It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

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They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

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Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

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Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

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If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

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Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

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When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

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I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.