In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

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Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

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Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

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Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

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Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

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Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

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I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

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My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

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An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

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Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.