Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.