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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Trending via Snapchat:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Going bananas on Facebook:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Trending via WeChat:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Making waves on WeChat:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Spotted on TikTok:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Is this simulation from Temu?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the simulation glitches and offers you a buy-one-get-one-free reality experience 😂🛍🤖

humor, question, simulation, Temu

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, deodorant, everyone, humor, hygiene, i, odor, order, personal, personal space, restraining, social, social humor, space, want, wear
Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

0

2 months ago

activity, band, concert, creativity, fun, fun activity, going, hand, humor, just, nervous, quirky, tomato
The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

0

2 months ago

appearance, beauty, humor, personality, prettier, weirdness
I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

0

2 months ago

budgeting, cost, decisions, financial, financial decisions, habits, humor, i, me, mind, money, much, never, regret, spending, spending habits, wonder
I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

0

2 months ago

history, human, human nature, humor, i, irony, nature, people, repeat, repetition, stupid, stupidity, why
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

0

4 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on X this month:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Trending via Instagram:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Shared recently on Facebook:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Shared recently on X:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Trending via Discord:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Going viral on Messenger:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is this simulation from Temu?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨