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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Making waves on Discord:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Going viral on YouTube:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Trending via Slack:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Is this simulation from Temu?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the simulation glitches and offers you a buy-one-get-one-free reality experience 😂🛍🤖

humor, question, simulation, Temu

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

0

2 months ago

avocado, eating, ever, food, funny thought, humor, people, squeeze, squeezed, think, thought
Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, humor, listen, Netflix, relationship, subtitle, watch, women
Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

0

2 months ago

expectations, humor, i, instruction, non-parent, obedience, obey, parenting, something, toddler, want
Using my one phone call to call Santa.

0

2 months ago

call, Christmas, festive, holiday, humor, joke, phone, phone call, prank, Santa, using
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, choice, humor, i, just, life, life choice, me, not working, responsibility, thought, work, working
The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

0

2 months ago

body, crematorium, death, fitness, hope, hot, hot body, humor, irony, joke, last

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

44 shares on X this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

76 shares on X this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Shared recently on Facebook:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Spotted on Telegram:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Spotted on Messenger:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Just shared via X:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Making waves on WeChat:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Trending via WeChat:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Broadcasted on Discord:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is this simulation from Temu?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨