I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

79 shares on Telegram this month:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”