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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,235

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Trending via Instagram:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Seen just now on Reddit:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Making waves on YouTube:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Trending via YouTube:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Seen just now on Threads:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

2 months ago

0

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the mischievous ways of technology! It's like laptops have a secret pact to slow down just when you need them the most. Maybe they're plotting to teach us all a lesson in patience. Or maybe they just enjoy seeing us frantically hitting the refresh button. Either way, it's a hauntingly slow dance with our devices."

frustration, humor, hurry, laptop, slowness, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

0

4 months ago

anyone, else, good, good person, humor, interaction, just, kindness, old, old person, ones, people, person, show, smile, social, social interaction
Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

0

2 months ago

comparison, errors, haystack, humor, life, longer, modern, modern life, needle, people, search, spreadsheet, technology, work
Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

0

2 months ago

anything, data, data sale, data tracking, email, email spam, internet, internet security, know, middle, middle name, name, online, online signup, privacy, pro, pro-tip, put, sale, security, sign, signup, sold, spam, tip, tracking, website, website name, websites
I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

0

2 months ago

communication, coworker, ever, got, humor, i, joke, likes, media, once, post, said, social, social media, thing
Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

0

3 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, beauty, beauty treatment, conversation, getting, humor, just, lady, moment, nothing, open, talking, treatment, wax, waxing, wild
I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

0

2 months ago

closet, fashion, humor, i, joke, money, spending, visibility, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,539

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Just shared via Pinterest:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Making waves on Slack:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Just shared via YouTube:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Trending via Snapchat:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

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