Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

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The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

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Listen to the birds, not the news.

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Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

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It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

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Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

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Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

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Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

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My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

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I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.